Friday, May 25, 2012

Feeling Like Giving Up

A few hours ago, I was looking for my eye drops. Spuds and Axle were following me around the house like usual. Everything was normal. Same old same old. Spuds started sniffing/licking one of the knuckle bones on the floor, the same bones that have been there for days. (They're usually in the toy box, but Axle and Spuds loooove to drag them out.) In the split second it took for Axle to saunter over near Spuds and sniff in her direction, life stopped. They were in a fight.

I waved a plastic bag at Axle, and he let go. Spuds still had her teeth sunk into his leg. I tried calm speaking, even singing. When Spuds lost her grip, Axle shot down the hall and over the pet gate, where he got into his kennel, like he always does when he knows he's done something wrong (aka he senses we're upset). Spuds barreled after him before I could stop her. She plowed through the pet gate and dove into the crate with him, teeth bared and a snarl on her face. She was angry, and she meant business.

With the two of them in the crate together, there was hardly any way to get them apart. Axle would repeatedly let go, but Spuds would just find a new hold on him. I threw a blanket over her, trying to ease her out of the crate. She turned and tried to bite me...just to get a mouthful of blanket. I have a few scrapes where she did manage to make contact as I pulled her away in the blanket.

As soon as I got her out of the crate, I locked the gate. Spuds slipped out of the blanket and began attacking Axle through the crate. She managed to get his back leg and inflicted a few puncture wounds. I finally got her wrapped up and outside.

Our friends came over and helped clean up and bathe Axle. We called the director of the humane society Spuds was adopted from, and their advice was to bring her in. It's not wise for her to stay here, and there's nowhere else for her to go.

It's these moments right here where I gave up. Axle will just have to live out his life with the two kitties he loves to "bathe." We knew Otto was a risk from the get go. Bobob? Tumors? Seizures? Now Spuds? Do I just hone in on the sick? What life did Spuds have before that made her so overly...whatever...?

I just feel empty.


  1. As I read this it brought me great sadness because if anyone ever loved her she knows you and Josh did. As I sit here with tears in my eyes thinking of the things you must be thinking the emotions you must be going threw and the heartache of knowing you tried to save her... But at least you did that "TRIED" allot of people looked the other way and she was able to live a longer happier life with you and Josh. Things like this happen every day but in the end you must thank god it was not you bc it just may have been the other way around she could have turned on you and pursued. And honestly you don't know her past you tried to understand and look over her food aggression because you're a good person it's not that you hone in on the sick it's you hone in on the forgotten the overlooked. None of this was your fault so even though there is no way to not feel like it's your fault just know it is not and that the bad that came out in Spuds last night was a factor of whom ever hurt or starved her and sometimes it's not something you can fixed but I applaud you for trying!!!

  2. Your comment made me cry! Thank you, what you said means a lot to me. I wish I could speak "dog," I really do. I'd be a dog counselor, or I guess a real "dog whisperer." I'd love to know what dogs have been through, what they're feeling, what sets them off, etc. I can read the more obvious body language, but their communication is so subtle that things can go from sunny to stormy in a split second.

    I can't bring myself to even imagine adopting again. I can't put Axle through that. I'm afraid he might not ever trust another dog again. :( He's doing wonderfully with the kittens, so I guess we'll be just a hodge-podge family, 1 dog and 2 cats.