Wednesday, June 25, 2014

NSFW: Contains the "S" Word. Repeatedly. The Entire Post.

Don't read this post if you can't handle swearing. Seriously. I'm a writer. It's my art, and cursing is like writing in high contrast. Complaints will be filed under the "Please Grow Up" tab. 

This morning, as I watched my cat, Toby, hurl himself out of the bathroom at lightning speed to avoid the smelly shit he’d just made, I had an epiphany. We all need to stop running from our shit. Toby usually gets away with it because by the time he returns for round two, I've already scooped the box. He also has two boxes to choose from, so he can avoid the smelly box until after it’s scooped. Since my house is his whole “world,” and I scoop the box daily, Toby can, in theory, shit forever and never have to actually deal with it. We humans, on the other hand, cannot eternally run from our shit – our figurative shit, not our literal shit, although I’m pretty sure that might catch up with us one day as well.
They're cute, but they are still little shits.
Pet Shit
This one’s a given. Your pets literally shit, and it’s up to you to clean it up and dispose of it properly. Putting it in non-biodegradable plastic baggies and filling up the landfill should not be your modus operandi. It’s better than avoiding the shit altogether, but it’s making a bigger pile of shit to deal with later. For best results, clean up shit daily and dispose of in pet septic tanks, biodegradable baggies, a compost pile, or some other EPA-approved method.
More Pet Shit
Other than actual shit, pets also do things like make messes, chew/scratch things they shouldn't, and even attack you (mostly applies to cats). The best way to handle that kind of siht is to address the problem, not the symptoms. Have you watched My Cat From Hell? What about the Dog Whisperer? Your cat or dog isn't just a bad little shit, there’s something causing that behavior. Talk it over with your vet and see a behavior expert if necessary, but definitely get a handle on that shit!
Willow says relationships are hard.
Relationship Shit
Ah yes, relationships. You have them with your cats, people, and even with inanimate objects. Cut the negative people out of your life, especially if your cat tells you to by practically clawing their eyes out or howling furiously when they walk in, or your dog insists on marking them. Some people just have bad energy, and that’s not the kind of shit you want in your life. As far as inanimate objects that are harmful to your life, your cat is actually pretty spot on about sprawling across your laptop while you’re scrolling social media. “Unplug” yourself at least thirty minutes a day and spend that time petting your Furry Master…er, your cat (or your dog). Also get rid of anything your cat or especially your dog pees on. I could say it’s a message from the pet gods, but really it’s because you’re not likely to get rid of the urine odor (especially if it’s a soft surface).
Life Shit
It’s time we all stop running from our shit. We made the shit, let’s deal with it. “I’m in some pretty deep shit, though,” you might say. “It’s so much easier to just not think about it.” Well, you’d be right. Speaking strictly short-term, the “out of sight, out of mind” philosophy works great. However, much like pet shit, life shit will build and build and become one giant pile of shit that is likely to fall right on top of you. No ignoring it now that you’re covered in it, huh? Life is a long-term kinda thing. You aren't born with an expiration date tattooed on your foot (excuse me while I double-check…nope, no tattoo). Whatever you do in life has consequences, some immediate and some future. The best way to be happy and move forward with your life is to handle life shit as it happens. Face it head on, make a decision, and follow through.

Get a grip on that shit already.